Toddlers and Tiaras

New FamilyIt started the day she was born.  Her tiny eight pound seven ounce frame could manipulate and “melt” a 180 pound, six-foot tall man.  There in the delivery room of the hospital she grabbed his pinky . . .  and he was “hooked”.  As the years went by, her captivating smile and sweet persuasions helped her in receiving most of what she wanted in life.  Her mother on the other hand, was not so impressed by this maneuver, and felt dethroned as Queen of her own castle.

Princess in Training

After several conversations (not all of them in a tone worthy of royalty) the point was made that there was only room for one Queen in the castle and it was not going to be the four year old.  The compromise presented was that our daughter would take on the designated role of Princess and in the words of Mary Engelbreit, “Princess of Quite a Lot”.  As you can imagine, the demotion to Princess was not an easy transition.  The Princess grew older and several times considered mutiny and dethroning the Queen.  With wisdom, the King stepped in each time to remind her of whose castle she lived in.

At the approximate age of ten, after one last futile attempt to over throw the Queen, the King agreed to her mutiny on the following terms:

  • She would have to take over all responsibilities of the Queen including: cleaning the castle, cooking the meals, shopping, laundry, and working part- time for the needed extra income.
  • The Queen would be removed from the home — permanently.
Borrowed from Disney's The Little Mermaid

Borrowed from Disney’s The Little Mermaid

The Princess was stunned.

With great firmness the King explained that as a Princess she already had the best of both worlds.  She was royalty and would always have the King’s heart and support.  He explained that she was a “Queen in training” and someday she would have her own castle. Until then she should enjoy her freedom with only limited responsibilities.  The King explained that being the Queen is not always what it is appears to be and any further disobeying of the rules would be severely dealt with.   The Princess gratefully went back to her subordinate role and never entertained the thought of mutiny again.

During the 17th year of the Princess, the Queen was in the bath chamber of the Princess and found a tiara.  Curious as to how it came to “be” in the house, the Queen asked her daughter about it.  Her response floored the Queen.  “Why shouldn’t a princess have a tiara?” she responded.  “Sometimes you need an outward reminder of what is inside your heart when the world forgets who you are.”  The Queen pondered the wise words of the Princess.  They discussed the use of the tiara and how it could be worn outside the confines of a bathroom chamber, encouraging each other to see the  tiara as a reflection who they really meant to be.

Princess BethanyOn the 21st birthday celebration, the King decreed a “Princess Party” where all female guests wore beautiful gowns and tiaras.  There was laughter and delight in all who came to celebrate – both young and old.   The King graced the party with his presence, sharing words of blessing.   The Princess would be moving to her own castle the following week.  She was not betrothed in marriage, but was starting life as a single maiden.  What a wonderful transition for this rite of passage.

All the princesses

As our family embraced the wonder of this “not so fairy tale”, the Princess and the Queen began to realize the significance of what they had been experiencing.  They wanted to share this wonderful adventure with others and the party was the first of many opportunities which would encourage others to embrace their inner Princess.

For a friends 30th birthday we met for tea at the Brown Palace with tiaras in place a top our heads. Our waitress was not impressed as we sat drinking tea and enjoying our time together.  She mocked our “foolishness” and finally asked her supervisor to be removed from servicing our table.  The second waitress assigned to us was much more polite, and by the end of the afternoon she had been ‘well’ tipped (including a gift of my tiara), which she proudly wore in our presence.

During another afternoon outing with a friend, we agreed to wear our jeweled crowns.  As we stood in line to order, the five teenage girls ahead of us began to ask questions.


“What was the occasion?” they asked.

“Just having coffee with a friend?” I replied.

“Is this a special occasion?” they asked.

“No”, I replied.  “Sometimes, it is good to remember that you are the Queen”.

“Can anyone do this”? they asked.

Of course my answer was ‘yes’.  You only need a tiara.  In unison, the group told us how amazing the crowns looked.  I thanked them and said that it helps me remember whom I belong to; that I am a follower of Christ, a daughter of the King; and some days that is more difficult to remember than others.

And so the tradition of the tiara began.  They became a gift of “thank you” for a wonderful group of volunteers.  Twelve girls in a male dominated business school each received a tiara during a Bible study emphasizing the importance of our name and who we are as women.  Understanding my true identity has been a journey — encouraging others to do the same has become a blessing in my life.


As silly as it may seem, wearing a crown is a physical reminder of who I am – my heavenly Father’s daughter.  The next time you are shopping for a gift for a “hard to buy for friend”, or you are struggling with your daughter, stop and consider a tiara as a gift.  Instead of wrapping it in a gift bag, place it on their head with a word of encouragement and blessing for who you know her to be and what you believe to be her most beautiful attributes.  If you don’t have your own tiara, don’t wait for someone to buy you one —   go and buy one for yourself!  Wear it often and wear it with honor.  Tiaras are not just for toddlers!

I will sing for joy in God, explode in praise from deep in my soul!
 He dressed me up in a suit of salvation,
  he outfitted me in a robe of righteousness,

As a bridegroom who puts on a tuxedo
 and a bride a jeweled tiara.

Isaiah 61:10  The Message (MSG)

 Written by Kathy Buschman
Originally posted on


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